


No use in catching up (with a sinking ship)

by UnofficiallyA



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, Not my usual style, but seriously angst, destructive alex, musician!alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 18:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16918383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnofficiallyA/pseuds/UnofficiallyA
Summary: A look into the life of Alex Danvers, the musician.





	No use in catching up (with a sinking ship)

The words flew from her mouth, careless and free. The words lifting and falling with the guitar playing as the young girl belted her heart out to Bon Jovi. Her voice, albeit young, holding a lovely tone that would only develop as the years flowed. She sang with a reckless abandon that only a child possessed, free from worry and fear. Alex loved music and her parents often felt sorry for her soulmate, with the constant singing that followed then through their house. 

Alex had been seven when she begged for a guitar, and after a few weeks of begging, they had decided to put her in lessons. If she could stick with the lessons for a month, they would give her a guitar. And by age ten she was teaching herself songs as she pleased, sometimes needing to slow the songs down but past the fumbling and missed notes of the first year of playing. Confident and full of life, she started busking at 12, playing popular songs to the crowds at markets or sometimes near the shopping centre. It made her pocket money and helped her grow confidence. 

Kara joined their family when Alex was 15, and it was a readjustment for all of them. She couldn't play her guitar for the first 3 months with Kara in the house, because it was too loud. Her singing was cut back to humming and muttering in the shower, and she didn't even ask if she could busk anymore. For those months she resented Kara, as she lost her safe space, the only time she didn't feel different. So she rebelled, turning to punk and heavier genres, and as her school life became about Kara, made friends online. 

16-year-old Alex, her love for music pushed to the side as she focused on her studies, STEM subjects that would lead her to a good college and a life of research. She enjoyed the subjects, but she loved her music more, and being unable to fit it into her schedule made her bitter. Her guitar had been broken by Kara, in an attempt to help her control her strength, Eliza thinking it would be good for Kara. It didn't matter that she loved that guitar like family, it wasn't important that she had decorated that guitar with all her achievements and music stickers over the years. 

It was in that moment that it really sunk in, that her wellbeing wasn't as important anymore. All that mattered was Kara. So she pushed herself aside, and devoted herself to Kara, helping her and striving to reach that rung that Eliza expected her to reach. She never did. It was never enough, and that drained her. More than the college classes on top of year 12, more than the loneliness she felt, more than the endless depression she was falling into. She was tired of reaching for something that couldn't be achieved.

Jeremiah died that year. It was 2 months before her exams. Eliza started pulling longer shifts at the clinic she worked at, and Kara wasn't dealing with the loss very well. So Alex pushed her grief aside and stepped up to the plate. She made dinner for her sister, she got her licence and drove her to and from places. They were close, but Alex wasn't the focus. She never was the focus, so she pushed aside her loss and did her best to fill the gap left by her father.

She aced her exams by some miracle. Only having a little time to study, running the house took up more time than she had to give, so she walked into those exams with fear in her heart. She got into the colleges she applied to, and it was a full month of arguing with Eliza before she started the admissions process to the best college she had been accepted to. It hurt her heart as she delved into her saving so she could buy her first motorbike. She drove across the country with a bag of clothes and a box shipping her precious items. She was free. 

The first month of college was the best time of her life. She was studying and learning and was slowly getting back into music. After so many years away from her guitar, her fingers were slow and clunky, but the knowledge was still there as she spent her free time practising. Her roommate quickly became fed up with her, and she moved around, working in music rooms and different parks until she found her place. A small park, a 15-minute walk from her dorm, she could set up at and make a few coins while she practised. 

In her second month, she decided she wanted to shift her minor from physics to music. So she did, and her workload became much more enjoyable and she could book the music rooms whenever she wanted. It really was the best of both worlds. Until Eliza found out, and she, once more, had to deal with the fact that Eliza didn't care for her happiness, only her success. She had become good friends with a few people, one bassist who meshed well with her playing style. So they began writing together, creating their own sound as they dealt with their own problems and it was great, for a while.

She got invited out, and eventually someone gave her a fake ID. It was a blessing and a curse. She went clubbing with friends after a good day and found a dive bar on the bad days. At first, it was once a week if even that, and with each angry call, it became a habit. Then she started keeping alcohol in her room, in her blood. That was when she was rarely sober, the inheritance paying for her unhealthy habits. Often she wondered if he would be proud, wasting away as she felt her drive for life falling and crumbling. 

After 6 months of barely showing up to classes, handing in few assignments and one time of showing up to a practical wasted, it all crashed and burned. Alex had tried to keep her relationship with Kara strong until she was drunk more often than not, and she forgot. She forgot her little sisters birthday, she didn't call, inevitably creating another reason for Eliza to scold her. So when Kara turned up at her dorm, unaware of how far her sister had fallen, to celebrate her graduation, Alex was not there.

She waited, late into the night, talking with Alex's roommate. The girl was taken by the younger girl, and told her fun stories about college, trying to preserve the college image for this younger girl. Alex stumbled through the door a few hours after midnight, with a stranger slung under her arm. She saw Kara, but she had fallen off the edge and simply waved as she dragged the excited man up the stairs. Kara, shocked and hurt, had been stunned by the woman she used to look up too. Alex was lucky her roommate took pity on the blonde, while Alex was off trying to prove to herself that sex could be fun.

Kara had left in the morning, without saying goodbye, and Alex had been greeted with a furious roommate. Hungover and irritable, she had sat through the anger, until her phone rang. Eliza. She sighed, her brain throbbing as she answered the phone, putting it on speaker, as to appease the roommate. It did, as Eliza had reamed her out for an hour and a half, and she felt the hatred and guilt building in her stomach. Hating herself more and more for the path she had been following but instead of trying to fix it, she did what she did best. She went out and became so drunk she forgot her own name. It was the drunkest she had been, and it turned out the worst hangover as well. Coming to behind bars was never a fun experience. 

The months following that night had been rough, with a lot of help from the mysterious Hank Henshaw who had pulled her out of that cell. Hank had told her that if she could pull herself together, she would have a job with his agency. So she did. She took a month to sober herself up, clean up loose ends and realise how badly she had fucked up. Kara wouldn't talk to her, not even to hear an apology and she didn't even try to call Eliza. 

Training started and she found her new lease on life. Working with these people to contain threats while being able to finish her degree and research with them. It was the change she needed. She made peace with losing her father, became stronger, physically and mentally. She became a soldier and moved through the ranks faster than any other recruit. Alex became the weapon she needed to be and eventually she had graduated from her college with a double degree that set her up nicely to analyse the various alien species they had captive. 

It was a draining job, and she often found herself injured, her scars building as she worked in the field and in the lab. Her lab work was always her favourite, figuring out the key to a genome or an antidote gave her a high like nothing else ever had. It took her a year to settle into the work and feel confident in herself, and that was when she started reaching out again. She knew it was important to try to repair the bonds she had shattered in her college years, so it took a lot of work and apologies.

Eliza was hard to win over, with Alex lying about her job. But she started talking to Alex again, and even if most conversations were barbed and resentful, Alex could deal with that. Kara took longer, with many attempts from Alex and finally, they both began to heal. 6 months passed before they could blink, and they were closer than ever. Kara working under Cat Grant while Alex saved the day. Life couldn't have been any better. 

 

Lucy Lane came into her life in a whirlwind, and after the whole treason thing had blown over, she found a new friend. Working for the DEO didn't leave a lot of time outside of work, so Alex didn't have any friends outside her work friends. Lucy became the friend she invited out to dinner and wanted to hang out with. Ignoring the twists of her stomach when Lucy flirted with her, or the hints of jealousy when she flirted with someone else. It was complicated, but she didn't understand why it hurt when she left. She didn't understand the lingering sadness until months later.

Maggie was the missing puzzle piece or at least the only person who showed her the piece she was missing. It was a rush, finally feeling complete, and all those men she had slept with in an attempt to feel something clicked into place. A few more things, like the crushes and attractions she had felt, also flew into her mind. Coming out to Kara, while being messy and scary, felt good, in her soul. She finally felt like maybe she would have that happy ending, so she made her move. 

She kissed the girl and was pushed away. It hurt like nothing she had felt before, and it turned into an amazing thing. She had recently started reaching out to a few people she knew in college, apologising for the pain she had caused them, and she had reached out to the bassist. The girl she had a giant crush on without realising, and they started talking again. Alex, who hadn't stopped singing, picked up her guitar again. She played until her fingers regained their calluses, and the chords flew smoothly. It was a few months work, and it helped her heal her heartbreak. She came out to everyone and she went on a couple of dates, generally enjoying her newfound sense of self. 

It was an ordinary workday when Lucy Lane walked back into her life. She strolled into Alex's lab like a day hadn't passed and suddenly Alex remembered every aspect of her friendship with Lucy. The flirting and sly remarks, the dinner and the closeness. The fluttering of her stomach and she grinned the woman. They fell back into their friendship as if nothing had changed. Except everything had. So they went on a date, and another, and another, and then 3 months had passed. They were happy, and Alex was living her life to the fullest she could. 

She didn't start performing until that bassist moved to National City. A month of practising and they book a gig, which became a once a week thing that they did. It was good fun and drew in a crowd to the small gay bar they both loved. Lucy came to every night, no matter what, and Alex loved her for that. One week she noticed Maggie walk in the door, and she smiled. She was friends with the cop, after a few months of awkwardness, but they worked together so they sorted their shit out as quickly as they could.

Alex didn't expect her to freeze, her eyes glued to Alex's as she took in the music. She knew she had a decent voice, and their songs were good, but Alex raised an eyebrow at the shell-shocked expression on the detectives face. Maggie settled down into a seat after a few more moment and Alex finished out the show. Greeting Lucy with a kiss backstage, she found Maggie sitting with her girlfriend. Shaking off any odd feelings, they made small talk until Lucy, feeling the tension in the room, had asked the question. 

Alex had shrugged, muttering about how Maggie had rejected her a while ago and they were over it. Alex had noticed the stiffening of Maggie, and apparently so did Lucy. The conversation they had that night was the most awkward Alex had felt, topping her coming out to Kara. But a bit of poking and prodding, had Alex admitting she was disappointed she never had a chance to see what would happen with Maggie. Lucy had just grinned, nodding, and then said something that had shocked Alex to her core. 

She and Lucy talked late into the night, figuring out what they both wanted, and Lucy talking Alex through a few terms. It was a productive night, with Lucy sending a text to Maggie in the wee hours of the morning. Alex had groaned, then we have to talk sounding ominous. But they set up a place and time and next thing Alex knew they were on a date. 

Bowling seemed like fun, but when three competitive people play, it can get intense. Alex learnt how intense on their first date, and she found herself enjoying the bickering Lucy and Maggie had quickly fallen into. They were stirring each other up, while Alex was slowly taking the lead from them. With her final bowl being a strike, placing her in a lead that neither of them could break, and they decided a second date seemed good. 

Years later and they were living together, rings on their finger and love in their hearts. Alex found herself watching her girls sleeping, wondering what had led her down the path she had fought through, to these beautiful woman sleeping next to her. It was hard sometimes, but they loved each other and at the end of the day, that was enough.

>   
> I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
> You're gonna hear my voice  
> When I shout it out loud  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not happy with this. I posted it a while back for like an hour, but I've edited it and I just need to put it out for the world. So yeah. Tell me what you think here or on tumblr [@mr-alex-unofficially](https://mr-alex-unofficially.tumblr.com/)


End file.
